When Do You Want to Get Well?
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“I wonder
how many alcoholics upon finding out they had a deadly ailment and a doctor had
a cure would sit in the doctor's waiting room 90 times in 90 days (or for a year
or more) and wait for the medicine to be administered to them.
I also wonder how many alcoholics do the same thing concerning our 12
Steps; they go to 90 meetings in 90 days hoping to have a spiritual awakening
without taking the Steps.” - Archie M.
I
have been scolded a few times (by fellow AA's) because of the fact that I
sometimes share at meetings about how the Steps are meant to be worked
immediately and quickly. I've been
told that this "theory" will "harm" newcomers (having only a
few days, a few weeks, or a few months) who could not possibly be
"ready" to do the work yet. Then
I'm usually told that these new members should just go to meetings for a while
and eventually they'll "know" when they are ready to get into the
Program. In the early days of AA,
when a new person showed up to their first meeting and asked about when they
were going to get into working the Steps, established members usually asked
them, "When do you want to get well? If
you want to get well now, we'll be working the Steps now.
If you DON’T want to get well now, I guess you can put off the Steps,
but by doing so you're probably going to drink."
I do not agree that we first get our life together and then turn to God.
I believe that we turn to God and then, AND ONLY THEN, do we begin to get
our life together. That's exactly what the Steps are all about.
As a matter of fact, Bill Wilson got into the Steps after a few days, Dr.
Bob got into the Steps after one day, and Bill Dotson (AA #3) also got into the
Steps after a few days. These were
the first three members of AA and none of them ever drank again.
But for me the bottom line is, what does the AA Program and the AA
literature have to say about it? Since
it says, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our
path,” then what does the PATH say? The
following is a list of timeframes found in the Big Book, and is the basis for my
experience and the experience of those I’ve worked with.
Page and paragraph numbers are from the new Fourth edition.
Page
xxvi:4 - "Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as
an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very
jittery or befogged. More often
than not, it is imperative that a man's brain be cleared before he is
approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what
we have to offer." (So it says
we need to be detoxed off of alcohol first, which usually takes two or three
days but in extreme cases takes four or five days, before getting into the work. See also page xxvii:7.)
Page
xxvii:5 - "Many years ago one of the leading contributors to this book
(Bill Wilson) came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired
some ideas which he put into practical application AT ONCE."
(In about three days Bill was into working most of what later became the
AA program. See also page 13.)
Page
xxvii:7 - "Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical
craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure,
before psychological measures (like the Steps) can be of maximum benefit."
(For psychological measures to benefit us we need to be applying them.
So again, it’s saying we need to be detoxed off of alcohol first, which
usually takes two or three days but in extreme cases takes five or six days,
before getting into the Steps. See
also page xxvi:4.)
Pages
13 thru 15 - “At
the hospital I (Bill Wilson) was separated from alcohol for the last time (Bill
was admitted to Towns Hospital at 2:30PM on December 11, 1934. Bill was 39 years
old.). Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens. There I
humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He
would. I placed myself UNRESERVEDLY under His care and direction. I admitted for
the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost (Bill
takes what later became Step Three. He reached the conclusions of Step One on
page 8:1 and Step Two on 12:4). I RUTHLESSLY faced my sins (what later became
Step Four) and became willing to have my new-found Friend (God) take them away,
root and branch (what later became Steps Six and Seven). I have not had a drink
since.
My schoolmate (Ebby Thacher) visited me, and I FULLY acquainted him with my
problems and deficiencies (what later became Step Five). We made a list of
people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire
willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong (what later became
Step Eight). NEVER was I to be critical of them. I was to right ALL such matters
to the UTMOST of my ability (what later became Step Nine).
I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense
would thus become un-common sense (these two lines refer to what later became
Step Ten). I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking ONLY for direction and
strength to meet my problems as He would have me. NEVER was I to pray for
myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others (what later became
Step Eleven). Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great
measure. My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new
relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living
which answered ALL my problems (what later became the first two parts of Step
Twelve). Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and
humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the ESSENTIAL
REQUIREMENTS.
Simple, but not easy; a price HAD to be paid. It meant DESTRUCTION of
self-centeredness. I MUST turn in ALL things to the Father of Light who presides
over us all.
These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I FULLY accepted
them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a
peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt
lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and
through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and
profound.
For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor (Dr. Silkworth), to
ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.
Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't
understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way
you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He
knows that they are real.
While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of
hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me.
Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others.
My friend had emphasized the ABSOLUTE NECESSITY of demonstrating these
principles in ALL my affairs. Particularly was it IMPERATIVE to work with others
as he had worked with me (what later became the last part of Step Twelve). Faith
without works was dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! FOR
IF AN ALCOHOLIC FAILED TO PERFECT AND ENLARGE HIS SPIRITUAL LIFE THROUGH WORK
AND SELF-SACRIFICE FOR OTHERS, HE COULD NOT SURVIVE THE CERTAIN TRIALS
AND LOW SPOTS AHEAD. If he did not work, he would SURELY drink again, and if he
drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just
like that.” (So two or three days after Bill is admitted into the hospital on
December 11th he has a spiritual experience AS THE RESULT of working
almost all the Steps immediately and quickly in a few days. He THEN talks with
his doctor about what happened to him on December 14th and is
released from the hospital on the afternoon of December 18th).
Page
58:2 - “If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to
any length to get it - THEN YOU ARE READY TO TAKE CERTAIN STEPS.”
(I’d like to suggest that they are talking about TWELVE certain steps
and you’ll soon see why. Some say
that we stay within the first three Steps for a year when you first get to AA,
but please notice what it says next about Step Three on pages 63:4 – 64:0.)
Page
63:4 - “NEXT we launch out on a course of VIGOROUS action, the first step
of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted.
Though our decision (which is the Third Step decision) was a vital and crucial
step, it could have LITTLE PERMANENT EFFECT unless AT ONCE followed by a
STRENUOUS EFFORT to face, AND to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had
been blocking us.” (So it’s saying that this Third Step decision is important
but will have LITTLE PERMANENT EFFECT unless we IMMEDIATELY follow it up with an
INTENSELY ACTIVE EFFORT to work Steps Four through Nine, because where we face
these things that block us from turning our will and our lives over to God is in
Steps Four, Five, and Six; and where we get rid of what blocks us from turning
our will and lives over is in Steps Seven, Eight, and Nine.
So the way we turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we
understand Him is by IMMEDIATELY and STRENUOUSLY working AT LEAST the six middle
Steps.)
Page 72:2
- “We will be more reconciled to
discussing ourselves with another person (doing a Fifth Step) when we see good
reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step,
we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to
keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this
humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they
got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered
why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their
housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst
items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear;
they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned
enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary,
until they told someone else all their life story (Fifth
Step).” (It’s talking about NEWCOMERS
working ALL of the Steps.)
Page
74:2 - “Notwithstanding the GREAT NECESSITY for discussing ourselves with
someone (doing a Fifth Step), it may be one is so situated that there is no
suitable person available. If that
is so, this step may be postponed, ONLY, however, if we hold ourselves in
COMPLETE readiness to go through with it at the FIRST opportunity.” (See also
page 75:1.)
Page
75:1 - “When we decide who is to hear our story (our Fifth Step), WE WASTE
NO TIME.” (So after we write our
three Fourth Step inventories of resentment, fear, and harms; it says we
IMMEDIATELY share our Fifth Step.)
Page
75:3 - “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for AN HOUR,
carefully reviewing what we have done.” (It’s
saying that IMMEDIATELY following our Fifth Step, we spend ONE HOUR of
undisturbed and uninterrupted quiet time, seeing if the foundation we have built
with our first five Steps is done honestly and to the best of our ability.
Then see page 76:1.)
Page
76:1 - “If we can answer to our satisfaction (the questions we ask
ourselves IMMEDIATELY following our Fifth Step in the previous paragraph), we
THEN look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.
ARE WE NOW READY to let God remove from us ALL the things which we have admitted
are objectionable (in our Fourth and Fifth Steps)? Can He NOW take them ALL -
everyone? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help
us be willing.” (So Six
immediately follows the hour we took after Five.
So Five and Six are both done on the same day.)
Page
76:2 - “WHEN READY (which answers one of the questions of Step Six), we
say something like this: ‘My Creator, I am NOW willing that you should have
all of me, good and bad. I pray that you NOW remove from me every single defect
of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.’
We have then completed Step Seven.” (In Step Six, we were asked if we
were NOW ready. If we are, we then
do Step Seven. If there are SOME
defects we are NOT willing to go to God with, we pray for the willingness to ask
God to help us with them, but go on to Step Seven with the defects we ARE
willing to ask God to help us with. Either
way, Step Five, Six, and Seven are all done on the same day.
Steps Three and Seven are then a daily striving and prayer, practiced for
the rest of our lives.)
Page
76:3 - "NOW we need more action, without which we find that "Faith
without works is dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list
of ALL persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made
it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self-appraisal.
NOW we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt
to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on
self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask
until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any
lengths for victory over alcohol.” (NOW
is mentioned twice in this paragraph, and even says, “NOW we go out”. So Steps Five through Nine are ALL done together (in rapid
succession), according to the directions in the Big Book.
If there are a few amends we are NOT willing to make, we pray for the
willingness but proceed with the amends we ARE willing to make.)
Page
83:3 - “Some people cannot be seen – we send them an honest letter.
And there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases (in doing
Step 9). But we DON”T DELAY IF IT
CAN BE AVOIDED.”
Page
84:2 - “This thought (the thought of the Ninth Step promises ALWAYS
materializing IF we work for them) brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we
CONTINUE to take personal inventory and CONTINUE to set right ANY new mistakes
AS WE GO ALONG (so the Tenth Step is NOT done just at night but should be done
MOMENT BY MOMENT, AS WE GO ALONG throughout the day).
We VIGOROUSLY commenced THIS way of living (the Steps Ten and Eleven
“way of living”) AS WE CLEANED UP THE PAST (we begin to clean up the past in
Step Nine.).” (So Ten and Eleven begin to be worked as soon as we start
making amends.) ”…It should
continue for a LIFETIME (So we never stop working Step Ten).”
Page
95:1 – “Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed (in the Big Book’s
Original Manuscript, this word was replaced with, “make a decision and discuss
his affairs”) at once, and you may be tempted to let him do so.
This is sometimes a mistake (they are only talking about the first visit
here). If he has trouble later, he
is likely to say you rushed him.” (So
it’s saying that on the FIRST visit we shouldn’t get the new person into the
Steps yet, but please see 96:2 to see what it says about the SECOND visit.)
Page
96:2 - Suppose now you are making your second visit to a (new) man.
He has read this volume (the Big Book) and says he is prepared to go
through with the Twelve Steps of the program of recovery.
HAVING HAD THE EXPERIENCE YOURSELF, you can give him MUCH practical
advice. Let him know you are
available of he wishes to make a decision (Step Three) and tell his story (Steps
Four and Five), but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else.
Page
156:3 - But life was not easy for the two friends (Bill Wilson & Dr.
Bob). Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Both saw that they MUST keep
SPIRITUALLY active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital.
They explained their need and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic
prospect.
She replied, "Yes, we've got a corker (Bill Dotson, whose sober date is
June 26, 1935). He's just beaten up a couple of nurses. Goes off his head
completely when he's drinking. But he's a grand chap when he's sober, though
he's been in here eight times in the last six months. Understand he was once a
well-known lawyer in town, but just now we've got him strapped down tight."
Here was a prospect all right but, by the description, none too promising. The
use of SPIRITUAL principles in such case was not so well understood as it is
now. But one of the friends said, "Put him in a private room. We'll be
down."
Two days later, a future fellow of Alcoholics Anonymous stared glassily at the
strangers beside his bed. "Who are you fellows, and why this private room?
I was always in a ward before."
Said one of the visitors, "We're giving you a treatment for
alcoholism."
Hopelessness was written large on the man's face as he replied, "Oh, but
that's no use. Nothing would fix me. I'm a goner. The last three times, I got
drunk on the way home from here. I'm afraid to go out the door. I can't
understand it.” (Part of Bill
D.’s First Step conclusion, and please notice the Twelfth Step work over the
next few paragraphs.)
For an hour, the two friends told him about their drinking experiences. Over and
over, he would say: "That's me. That's me. I drink like that."
The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how
it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind. There was much talk
about the mental state preceding the first drink.
"Yes, that' me," said the sick man, "the very image. You fellows
know your stuff all right, but I don't see what good it'll do. You fellows are
somebody. I was once, but I'm a nobody now. From what you tell me, I know more
than ever I can't stop (more of Bill D.’s First Step conclusion)." At
this both the visitors burst into a laugh. Said the future Fellow Anonymous:
"Damn little to laugh about that I can see."
The two friends spoke of their SPIRITUAL experience and told him about the
COURSE OF ACTION they carried out.
He interrupted: "I used to be strong for the church, but that won't fix it.
I've prayed to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I'd never touch another
drop but by nine o'clock I'd be boiled as an owl."
Next day found the prospect more receptive. He had been thinking it over.
"Maybe you're right," he said. "God ought to be able to do
anything (Bill D.’s Second Step conclusion)." Then he added, "He
sure didn't do much for me when I was trying to fight this booze racket
alone."
ON THE THIRD DAY the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his
Creator (Bill D.’s Step Three decision), and said he was perfectly willing to
do ANYTHING necessary (Steps Four through Twelve). His wife came, scarcely
daring to be hopeful, though she thought she saw something different about her
husband already. He had begun to have a spiritual experience.
That afternoon he put on his clothes and walked from the hospital a free man. He
entered a political campaign, making speeches, frequenting men's gathering
places of all sorts, often staying up all night. He lost the race by only a
narrow margin. But he had found God is and in finding God had found himself.
That was in June, 1935. He never drank again. He too, has become a respected and
useful member of his community. He has helped other men recover, and is a power
in the church from which he was long absent. (So Bill Dotson, or AA #3, got right into the Steps within a
few days, as was the practice in early AA.)
Page
262:6 - The day before I was due to go back to Chicago (this is during the
summer of 1937), a Wednesday and Dr. Bob’s day off, he had me down to the
office and we spent THREE OR FOUR HOURS formally going through the Six Step
program (which later became AA’s Twelve Step program) as it was at that time.
The six steps were: 1. Complete deflation (which later became Step 1).
2. Dependence and guidance from a Higher Power (which later became Steps
2,3,6,7 & 11). 3. Moral inventory (which later became Steps 4 & 10).
4. Confession (which later became Step 5).
5. Restitution (which later became Steps 8 & 9).
6. Continued work with other alcoholics (which later became Step 12). Dr. Bob led me through ALL of these steps.
At the moral inventory (Steps 4 & 5), he brought up some of my bad
personality traits or character defects, such as selfishness, conceit, jealousy,
carelessness, intolerance, ill-temper, sarcasm and resentments.
We went over these at great length and then he finally asked me if I
wanted these defects of character removed (Step 6).
When I said yes, we both knelt at his desk and prayed, each of us asking
to have these defects taken away (Step 7).
This picture is still vivid. If
I live to be a hundred, it will always stand out in my mind. It was very impressive and I wish that every A.A. could have
the benefit of this type of sponsorship today.
Dr. Bob ALWAYS emphasized the religious angle VERY STRONGLY, and I think
it helped. I know it helped me.
Dr. Bob then led me through the restitution step, in which I made a list
of ALL of the persons I had harmed (Step 8), and worked out ways and means of
slowly making restitution (Step 9). (So
again, most of the Steps being worked in one day.)
Dr.
Bob and the Good Oldtimers, page 101 – “Dorothy S.M. recalled the 1937
meetings…”The newcomers surrendered in the presence of all those other
people.” After the surrender,
many of the steps – involving inventory, admission of character defects, and
making restitution – were taken within a matter of days.”
Barefoot
Bill
"God,
I can't do this anymore," he says. "Please,
please, will you give
me
sobriety?" God says,
"Sobriety isn't free, how much money have you
got?"
The drunk reaches into his pocket. "Fifty bucks." "I'll
take it," says
God,
“you're sober." The man
stands up straight, drunk no more. It
feels
pretty good. “Yeah but,
God?" "Yes?" "I know I gave you my
money
willingly. But, you see, I need to
get gas for my car." "You have
a
car?" says God. "Well,
yes." "You didn't tell Me that. I'll
take the car."
"But..."
"I'll take the car. It's part
of the price for your sobriety."
"But
how will I get to work?" "You have a job? I'll take the job,
too."
"But
God, how will I pay my mortgage?" "Mortgage?
You have a house?
I'll take
that too." "But God, my family. How
will I take care of them
if you
have my house and my job?" God says to him gently and lovingly: "In
order to
keep your
sobriety; you must give Me these things. But
I will let you
drive My
car as long as you remember it's My car. You
can have the
job, but
remember you're working it for me. It's
My house but I will
let you
live in it. And as for the family,
they are My family but I
will
trust you to take care of them."
Barefoot
Bill
wlash@avaya.com